


The Austenization Infatuation: a Big Bang Theory Fic

by eggsbenni221



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor, References to Jane Austen, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggsbenni221/pseuds/eggsbenni221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was Amy's Birthday, and in accordance with the clause of their relationship agreement covering appropriate significant other behavior during special occasions (including but not limmited to birthdays, Christmas, and winning a Nobel Prize) Sheldon had purchased his girlfriend a gift sure to make her eyes sparkle and her loins burn. (Possible season7/8 spoiler alerts)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Austenization Infatuation: a Big Bang Theory Fic

The Austenization Infatuation: a Big Bang Theory Fic  
by Eggsbenni221  
Words: 1,627  
Rating: T  
Summary: It was Amy's Birthday, and in accordance with the clause of their relationship agreement covering appropriate significant other behavior during special occasions (including but not limmited to birthdays, Christmas, and winning a Nobel Prize) Sheldon had purchased his girlfriend a gift sure to make her eyes sparkle and her loins burn. (Possible season7/8 spoiler alerts)

Disclaimer: Not my characters.

Fan Art by Toongrrl

 

[The Jane Austen Observation](http://toongrrl.deviantart.com/art/The-Jane-Austen-Observation-514081339) by [Toongrrl](http://toongrrl.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

Sheldon Cooper sat nervously crossing and uncrossing his long legs as he observed Amy crouching in front of the television, a quietly triumphant glow emanating from her face as she reached for the blue-ray disk on the coffee table behind her. In accordance with the clause of their relationship agreement covering appropriate significant other behavior during special occasions and noteworthy events (including but not limited to Christmas, Birthdays, and winning a Nobel Prize), Sheldon had purchased his girlfriend a birthday gift sure to make her eyes sparkle and her loins burn. Knowing Amy’s fondness for Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Sheldon had hit upon the brilliant notion to surprise her with a copy of the 1995 BBC television adaptation, which had apparently spawned a cultural phenomenon dubbed Austenmania. While he admitted to himself that he couldn’t see the correlation between Colin Firth in a wet shirt and raging female hormones, the terms of the relationship agreement forbade him criticizing Amy’s questionable tastes on her birthday.  
With Penny’s assistance, then, he’d taken a trip to the mall to acquire the gift.  
“Sheldon,” she’d observed during the drive, “not that I want to spoil your gesture of affection, especially considering they’re about as rare as a $3 bill, but Amy already has a copy of ‘Pride and Prejudice’.” At her comment, Sheldon had wisely suppressed the urge to roll his eyes; Penny had offered to drive him to the mall, after all. He loved Amy, but he really didn’t feel like putting on his bus pants. There were limits to his depth of affection.  
Instead, he’d pointed out matter-of-factly,”Wrong. Amy owns the DVD. I’m gifting her with the blue-ray.”  
“Um… okay…?” Penny had responded. “What’s the real difference, anyway? It’s the same movie either way.”  
“What’s the difference? Penny, Penny, Penny…”  
“What, what, what?”  
“Where do I begin? There’s laser technology, storage capacity, player compatibility, image resolution, disk construction—“  
Before he could finish, Penny had rolled her eyes and held up a hand to silence him. “Okay! I get it! Never mind.”  
Thus, with no further debate, Sheldon had purchased the blue-ray and presented it to Amy with what he judged a sufficient display of affection and the appropriate well-wishing for the coming year. He had even submitted, without complaint, to a brief, closed-mouth kiss, no tongue. Given that he could count on one hand the number of times he and Amy had exchanged said romantic gesture, Sheldon had to give himself credit for refining his technique. Much as he detested agreeing with Leslie Winkle, the lack of extraneous spittle certainly increased the enjoyment. Also in accordance with the relationship agreement, Sheldon had consented to spend Amy’s birthday engaging in whichever activity she chose, with the possible exception of coitus which, while he hadn’t entirely ruled it out as an eventuality, still remained a point of contention between them—and one allotted a considerable time block at their annual relationship summit. However, when Amy had declared her intended activity to be watching the six hour miniseries Sheldon had just purchased her, he wished he had thought to write a loophole into the agreement. Since his lack of foresight doomed him to six hours of ruffled shirts, empire-waisted gowns, and hysterical female jibber-jabber, Sheldon resigned himself to his fate, settling back on the couch and already beginning to plan a retaliatory Star Wars marathon.  
“Amy,” he said, forcing himself not to draw back as she snuggled against his side, “I have a proposal.”  
Amy lifted her head from his shoulder, one brow raised in curiosity. “Okay?” she said hesitantly.  
“I propose I be permitted to interject the occasional acerbically witty comment to enliven the viewing experience.”  
Amy frowned. “Sheldon, you promised. No sarcasm; no criticism; nothing even remotely negative.”  
“I don’t intend to criticize,” replied Sheldon. “I intend to engage you in thoughtful conversation about the merits of this artistic reproduction of Jane Austen’s most beloved novel. Given the BBC’s track record for producing high quality entertainment, I’m prepared to find the experience moderately enjoyable, despite the insipid nature of the subject matter.”  
Amy rested her chin in her hands, regarding him critically. “Counter-proposal,” she said finally. “We cuddle, and I let you talk during the movie.”  
Sheldon considered; then nodded. “Very well.” Smiling, Amy turned to switch on the television. “Hang on,” said Sheldon, raising a hand. “Bladder check.” He stared off into the distance for several moments. “OK. We’re good.”

Sheldon had to admit to finding the next several hours unusually satisfying. Aside from the remarkable sense of kinship and like-mindedness he felt with Mr. Darcy, he realized that Amy’s close physical proximity was more comforting than oppressive. He’d even managed to find a position in which he could comfortably rest his arm across Amy’s shoulders that both avoided straining his muscles and prevented her extremely bony shoulder blades from digging into his arm.  
“So, what do you think?” asked Amy as they watched Mr. Darcy take his leave in high dudgeon following Elizabeth’s rejection of his hand.  
“I must say I’m finding it surprisingly enjoyable,” replied Sheldon. “I rather sympathize with Mr. Darcy. As you know I also lack the talent some people possess of conversing with strangers. I really don’t understand why everyone objects to his pride, but of course, those of us of superior mind are always misunderstood.”

After the pre-scheduled bathroom break Sheldon had insisted on before beginning and a refill of his strawberry quick, the second half of the viewing proceeded in a similar fashion until they arrived at what had been dubbed the “wet shirt scene,” which Google had revealed to Sheldon as one of the most famous moments in BBC drama. After watching Darcy encountering Elizabeth on the grounds of Pemberley in considerably less than his usual impeccably-groomed appearance, Sheldon turned hesitantly to his girlfriend.  
“Amy,” he said slowly, “I know I’m not very good at reading social cues… but that was awkward, right?”  
Amy smiled. “Oh, you have no idea.” Her smile turning mischievous, she added, “Did you know that in the original script, Mr. Darcy was supposed to dive into the lake entirely naked?”  
Sheldon cringed and involuntarily withdrew his arm from Amy’s shoulders. “Good Lord, woman!” he exclaimed. “Your fascination with the desires of the flesh knows no bounds. This is why I rarely indulge you in the cultivation of your romantic sensibilities.” Instead of responding, Amy raised the volume on the TV, snuggled back against Sheldon, and pointedly drew his arm back around her shoulders, smirking as she did.

\---Later---

  
“So,” asked Amy, switching off the TV and turning to Sheldon, “what’s your final assessment?”  
Sheldon frowned. “Honestly, I was disappointed.”  
“But I thought you were enjoying it,” said Amy, raising an eyebrow.  
“I was, at first. I really found Darcy to be a relatable and engaging character. I was with him right up until the end when he succumbed to the social conventions of romantic companionship and allowed his desire for emotional intimacy and coitus to override his better judgement.”  
Amy blinked. “What do you mean, ‘social conventions of romantic companionship’? Sheldon, how can you say something like that when—“  
“When what?” prompted Sheldon. “Amy, just because I’ve allowed myself to surrender to the unscientific emotional experience of falling in love according to the traditional relationship paradigm, I hardly think our relationship qualifies as conventional.”  
Amy lowered her gaze. “No, I guess you’re right,” she murmured.  
“In fact, I think it’s far superior to the shallow human connections founded on primitive physical attractions and the desires of the flesh that less intelligent creatures are doomed to seek.”  
“It’s just, well, I know how difficult intimacy is for you, Sheldon, and I know how far we’ve come as a couple, even if it doesn’t seem that way to everyone else, but sometimes… I don’t know.” In an uncharacteristic show of tenderness, Sheldon reached for Amy’s hand; he didn’t know what made him do it, frankly, but the gesture felt instinctively appropriate given Amy’s emotional needs. In deference to her feelings, he deemed it best not to analyze the behavior until he could do so in private.  
“I know I can be a difficult partner,” he said, “but I’m just not sure what it is you want.”  
Amy looked directly into his eyes, and with tremendous effort, he held her gaze. “Sometimes I just wish we could—I don’t know—be more like Howard and Bernadette. Or Leonard and Penny… or even Raj and Emily.”  
“Really? Are you serious?” exclaimed Sheldon. “We just finished watching an adaptation of one of the most famous love stories in English Literature, and you’re setting up Raj Koothrappali, a man who until recently couldn’t talk to women without being inebriated, as a model of the ideal romantic partner?” At this, Amy smiled reluctantly. “Amy, Need I remind you that I just asked you to go to mars with me? If that’s not a stellar example of a committed adult relationship, then I don’t know what is.”  
Her smile broadening, Amy wrapped her arms around Sheldon and hugged him. “You’re right,” she said.  
“Is it really necessary to caption the obvious?” he asked, resting his chin on the top of Amy’s head.  
After a moment, Amy lifted her head to look up at Sheldon. “So… can I ask you a question?”  
”Obviously you can, since you just did,” replied Sheldon. “However, you may ask another, since it’s your birthday.”  
Amy rolled her eyes. “If I suggested we dress as Lizzie and Darcy next Halloween, would you do it?”  
“Dear God!” cried Sheldon, disentangling himself from Amy.  
“What?” Amy protested, looking alarmed.  
With an expression of wide-eyed panic, Sheldon leapt to his feet. “I’m packing a bag for Mars right now!” 

The End


End file.
